even acknowledging the Thing, and crying really hard about it, and talking about it, and it’s not enough
and even with distracting myself with making things and watching movies, and it’s not enough
and even having a shower is not enough, because of all the things I thought of when I was no longer distracted and all the things I wish I said in the moment and all the things I don’t want to deal with or think about because I don’t feel enough.
and even sitting down and actually writing this is not enough. and I hesitated to write. and I hesitated to post. but I need to feel even the false idea of action.